[Realpoetik] Sal decides: Sampson Starkweather wins Best Paris Hilton Poem Contest

[RealPoetik Magazine]

*Winner of the RealPoetik Best Paris Hilton Poem Contest*

*AND THE WINNER IS......!!!!!!*

Totally arbitrary!! It was difficult to decide! Really!! All the pieces
seemed pretty good and/or funny to me and ultimately, my choice was
relatively arbitrary. Not that one's choice of any lit over another isn't
ultimately arbitrary of course.

I note all the entries, visible on the blog (*
http://realpoetikblog.blogspot.com/* <http://realpoetikblog.blogspot.com/>)
by the way, were real heavy in their applications of registered trademarks
and pop culture icons. I have no idea why Paris Hilton should be so
universally associated with marketing and schlock culture, but there you
have it. The other interesting thing was an apparent inability of
RealPoetikers to distinguish between Paris Hilton, Lindsey Lohan and Britney
Spears. And, uh, Nicole Richie. I am so sure they are different people!!
Although I couldn't for the life of me tell you how to tell. Still......

But I had to chose one and so I chose *Sam Starkweather's *, probably
because it used the verb "tivoed" and the proper name "Beyonce." I shall
name my first daughter, Beyonce, I swear. AND he took the time and trouble
to trick it all out with John Berryman's name (dragged John Berryman's name
through the mud, some would say) and some such bullshit as
"transcontemporation as a process" which I thought was way cool. OK. Here it
is:

*Sonnet # 114
*

—a transcontemporation of John Berryman


You cum Paris Hilton-haired through the J. Lo air
bangin' on my split-level mobile-home screen-window
and you be cummin' for like ever, up, down
straight true through my reality show where
I'm pittin'-out like an unused desktop icon: wazz up,—
you be da body of the email, my micro-chip's on da fritz
so I found when grandma got 86'ed, dial-up speed
and I took Jet Blue down dirty South to da cremation

jumping with in-laws, Beyonce ring-tone revealed her last
text-message, icon still on screen, much less replied: Lewinskied
spin-doctored me so effectively I turned off the TV & cringed
in my entertainment center for all the re-runs
I never TiVoed and never again dazzle coworkers at water coolers,
a bitch to your beautiful ability to obsessively compulse.



*OK.  NEXT CONTEST, BEST PIECE OF SHORT LIT ON THE SUBJECT: "HEY, KIDS,
LET'S START A WAR WITH IRAN BECAUSE THE WAR IN IRAQ IS GOIN' SO WELL FOR US
(or something vaguely similar).*

- Sal
**

PS the RealPoetik New York reading was wonderful! Click here for pictures:
http://realpoetikblog.blogspot.com/2007/10/pics-from-realpo-reading-on-october-4.html

PPS RealPoetik has now switched to a new listserv software, so anyone
experiencing problems with our mailings in the past should not have any.
Ever again.
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