WEB: Why Attack? [was Revisit number forty two hundred]

[Rich Littleton]

I think I'm experiencing deja vu all over again.  I intend to discuss
civility a bit more in the future, but a succinct (and civil) comment at
this point.

99.9% "attacks" ("complaints" from a different perspective) occur because
Person X thinks he/she has run into a problem.

Thus, to complain about the complaint WITHOUT FIRST GETTING INVOLVED IN
SOLVING (or explaining away) the problem, is not helpful.

So, how about this being the basic rule:  No complaints about the
complaint (attack) unless one has first worked to solve the underlying
problem.

Rich

______________________________________________________________________

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On Wed, 30 Jun 1999, Al Boss wrote:

> "It's not personal."
> 
> People always say that. It's almost never the truth. What they mean is,
> "It's not personal to me." 
> 
> I got hit by a car a couple years ago. Neither the car nor the driver
> meant anything personal by it. It wasn't directed at me; my role as a
> bicyclist just conflicted with their role as a motor vehicle. It felt
> pretty personal to me, though.
> 
> I used to work in an organization where warring managers used to play a
> version of org-chart chess, using their respective staffs as sacrificial
> pawns. It wasn't personal to those managers; they were scarcely aware of
> who we even were. That fact made it no less personal to the piles of
> emotional corpses of all those people who got screwed.
> 
> It wasn't personal to the purchaser of a Big Mac, but it sure was
> personal to the cow.
> 
> We all mean well, we call care about SCN, we're all passionate and
> involved or we wouldn't be having this conversation. And, we're not as
> awful as the examples I used above. And none of that matters when you're
> the one who's hurt, or who's dragged down in front of your friends and
> peers.
> 
> Consider the consequences of what you do when you interact with other
> people. It's generally personal to the individual on the receiving end.
> 
> Al
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